Sex - more issues

It turns out I do have something to say in response to Insight, SBS 5/8/09. I will conveniently skip the first half hour of the program. Jenny Brockie did an excellent job hosting the show. However, a panel (or group) chat show can only be as good as it's panel.

Unwanted sex. This was the issue that occupied the second half of the show. I was laughing quite often during this segment. To clear up, we are talking about sex under regular coercion. It was agreed on the show that alcohol had a factor in reducing consent. (Amazing insight, hey?) The male gender studies representative actually said that if a guy was drunk, he should sleep it off & try for sex in the morning. Hell, I'd probably still be a virgin if I followed that advice. It was a very distant comment. The kind of advice you'd hear from your parents - they mean well, but just don't get it.

The program entered the boring blame game. Who is to blame for unwanted sex? Yawn. A poor approach that will never answer any substantial questions. Not interested in that angle. I will say this. It is the most common outcome to entirely blame the 'victim'. However, the 2nd most common outcome is to entirely blame the 'offender'. Clearly, something is missing.

The most entertaining part of the show was listening to the stories of unwanted sex. It was an amazing trigger point. Jenny could have asked any female in the audience & got a similar answer. It was an Oprah moment. Stories came out in a confessional manner. 'I didn't want to seem like a prude. I didn't say no, but I didn't say yes.' 'The next day he acted all normal. He had no idea anything was wrong.' Jenny- 'So when did you tell him?' 'Never'. Spare me. I would have had more compassion if she was talking about the time she removed a splinter from her finger.

The topic of 'If one doesn't say no, does that mean yes?' was raised. My short answer to this question is YES. Sex is not a verbal contract. The less one has to say, the better. This really sounds like a US Christian University. I've soiled myself laughing at propaganda material that has been released in the past. 'Is it OK for me to touch your hair? Your leg? May I kiss you? Can I fondle your breast?' A common thread runs through here. If I followed these rules, I would also be a virgin. Cannot be even remotely good advice if that is the case.

Back to unwanted sex. I put it to you that every female over the age of 20 has 'indulged' in this activity. (yes, yes, discount virgins etc ye technical objectors.) Some stats were pulled out. Can't remember exactly, but something like 25%-50% of year 12 girls have had unwanted sex. Mostly, we would be talking about a 'relationship' ie boyfriend & girlfriend. I have no problem with the stats. Sounds about right. I have a big problem with the interpretation. Feminists are the poorest interpreters of statistics in the world. Everything is pumped towards a desired objective.

To a feminist, the unwanted sex issue leads straight to a patriarchal society etc blah blah. I have a very interesting article in the pipeline re: Patriarchy vs Matriarchy. Stay tuned. If you are a blind feminist, rest assured that you will not like the article. No more of this to be said directly in this article. Needless to say, I have no empathy for this angle. It is bogus.

Unwanted sex is a day-to-day part of life. Join a nunnery if you would like to get away from it. Bettina Arndt has offered some excellent points on this topic. Naturally, she was crucified for doing so. An entirely familiar pattern has been followed time & time again. Plain, vanilla common sense replaced with some wacky, dire ideology. At least it gives me something to write about.
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